Imagine you're working at a café. The first customer of the day walks in, clearly a woman but with a buzzcut and dressed in men's clothing. You're unsure whether to greet her as "Miss" or "Sir," but then the customer says, "Can I have an iced bạc xỉu?" You’re about to say "Yes, Sir!" when her female companion chuckles and says, "Wifey! Don’t drink too much coffee" Wait, so is it "Sir " " or "Ma'am "?

 

Okay, so whether it’s "Sir" or "Ma'am" isn’t clear yet, but one thing is for sure: these two are definitely a couple; they look great together! But then, moments later, you see a muscular guy walk in, and the same customer who just called you “Sir” embraces the guy, asking, “Hubby, did you have a rough trip?”

 

With the evolution of humanity, gender has become more complex—or rather, more diverse and varied. This article is for those who respect and are curious about that diversity, and who wish to understand and connect with such people better. Specifically, this article discusses the concept of gender labels and pronouns, providing some "guidelines" for their use, so that we can confidently start conversations and ease any confusion.

 

1. Definition:

 

A. Labels:

Labels are like "names" people give themselves to categorize or "box" themselves into different communities within the larger human society. Just as objects that are similar are grouped together to differentiate them from others (like a three-legged table or a four-legged table are both called tables, but they are different from chairs), people with different gender identities, sexual orientations, or gender expressions can choose different labels: lesbian, transgender male, intersex, and so on.

 

B. Pronouns:

Pronouns are how people refer to themselves and want others to refer to them. Some pronouns are tied to a person's gender identity: someone who says "I am a man" is likely to identify as male, while someone who says "I am a woman" is likely to identify as female. There are also gender-neutral pronouns like "I," "me," "they," etc., to refer to oneself and "you," "you," "partner," etc., to address others. Many people may want to be addressed by a specific name, which may or may not match the name on their official documents.

 

     2. Guidelines for Use:

 

Using Gender Labels and Pronouns for Yourself:

With the global rise of the LGBTQ+ movement and the increasing desire to define oneself, it's now easier to find a wide variety of labels and pronouns that fit one's gender identity or sexual orientation.

 

A. Gender Labels

The table below outlines some common gender labels:

 

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Example:

If you identify as female and your birth certificate also lists your gender as female, you might use the pronouns “she” and “her” and the label “cisgender female” to describe your gender identity.

If you are attracted sexually to women, the label “lesbian” may apply to you, so you would identify as a “cisgender lesbian.”

If you are attracted to women but emotionally attracted to all genders, with no preference for gender, the label “cisgender bisexual” might fit you.

 

Note:

• Due to limitations, this list does not include every gender label used by the LGBTQ+ community, and it doesn’t account for those who prefer not to label their gender identity. The LGBTQ+ community promotes an open and accepting attitude toward new identities, sexual orientations, and gender expressions.

 

• Your gender label doesn't have to include all these elements. Adding more parts to your gender label is simply an extra step in defining yourself and connecting with smaller communities. So if you feel comfortable in your "box," there's no need to further classify yourself with multiple labels.

 

• Gender labels are not related to each other.

For example, many people believe that transgender women must be attracted to men to transition to women. In reality, many transgender women are lesbians, meaning they are born with male biological sex characteristics but identify as female and are emotionally and/or sexually attracted to women.

 

• Gender labels don't determine pronouns.

For example, many people think that slender gay men are the "female" partner in a relationship and should be referred to as "she," "girlfriend," or "lady." In fact, many gay men still identify as male and use pronouns like "he," "sir," or "bro." They may feel misunderstood or even offended if others use the wrong pronouns.

 

B. Pronouns:

Pronouns are mainly used in communication with others. Therefore, the correct pronoun is the one that provides the most comfort, safety, and naturalness for the individual. This feeling depends not only on what the pronoun says about the person but also on the person they are communicating with and the context of the conversation.

 

Like gender labels, pronouns can change over time. Some people may have used feminine pronouns like “she,” “her,” “lady” for many years but later feel more comfortable with gender-neutral pronouns. Just like gender labels don’t determine pronouns, pronouns can depend on—but do not necessarily determine—a person's gender identity. Changing pronouns does not mean changing one's gender identity.